so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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