is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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