It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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