that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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