i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Still dying that you shit outside
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
