just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
