He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
