i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
