god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
