I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
