i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
