it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
