I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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