Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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