38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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