I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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