these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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