He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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