i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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