before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
