I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
