why didn't you poke me back
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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