Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize