if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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