Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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