i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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