Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
