If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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