So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
