i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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