idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
