covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The adults are the big ones right?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
