someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
only you would photoshop your dick
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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