Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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