I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
