We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
