Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm like, not good at living.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
