What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
