theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
