Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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