My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
