It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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