ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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