not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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