The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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