that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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