oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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