whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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