allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
