shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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