Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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