In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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