8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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