I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
