I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
