why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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