An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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