Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
