woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
