tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize