I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
