...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
