Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
