Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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