There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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