I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
