There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
