I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Two words: blizzard sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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