I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
