I hate your face
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
