I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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